#82 From Control to Confidence: Personal Growth Through Self-Expression with Dr. Dennis Szymanski
“8-year-old me thought I was gonna be an introvert forever. I didn’t understand the people-person was waiting to come out.”
Listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Youtube or your favorite podcast platform. You can also watch this episode on YouTube.
What if the breakthrough isn’t about fixing your speech but letting go of the pressure to hide it?
As a kid, Dennis did everything he could to try and keep everything under control, especially his stutter. Now a PhD engineer and public speaker, he opens up about the real work behind his personal and professional growth: learning to meet himself where he is and speak from a place of presence.
In this warm, story-rich episode, Dennis and I explore what personal growth through self-expression really looks like. We talk about overcoming perfectionism in communication, the emotional cost of always trying to “sound right,” and how learning to communicate more authentically changed Dennis’s confidence, career, and relationships.
Whether you're a high-achieving professional who struggles with speaking with confidence, or someone navigating the internal tension between how things look on the outside and how they feel on the inside, I invite you to listen to Dennis’ story and remember that communication growth starts with self-compassion.
In this conversation on personal growth through self-expression, Dennis shares the personal and professional growth that came from embracing his stutter rather than hiding it. Here's what you'll discover:
Behind the scenes
How perfectionism shaped his early communication and why he’s let it go
Why speaking with presence matters more than speaking “right”
The connection between mental state, mindfulness, and confident communication
How spontaneity became more powerful than fluency
A real-life “Billy Madison moment” that unexpectedly shifted his relationship with stuttering
What it means to meet yourself where you are and how that changes everythingAnd much more
More Quotes
"The stutter actually enabled the Dennis that's sitting here across the couch from you in midtown Manhattan today." - Dr. Dennis Szymanski
"Nothing is as big of a deal as you are perceiving it to be in this moment, at this time. If you can just be with yourself and meet yourself where you are." - Dr. Dennis Szymanski
"Spontaneity is the new fluency." - Uri Schneider
"Meet yourself where you are." - Dr. Dennis Szymanski
"I found that pushing myself outta my comfort zone in my life, especially as it relates to my stutter, was a way I could improve not only my stutter, but personally." - Dr. Dennis Szymanski
About Our Guest
Meet Dennis Szymanski, a Long Island native who has lived up and down the East Coast while developing his relationship with stuttering. Now settled in a quiet North Carolina beach town with his partner Sam, their dog Rocky, and turtle Lennie, Dennis fully embraces coastal living. With a PhD in Materials Science and Engineering from NCSU, he works as a Product Engineer for a British semiconductor firm.
When not in the lab, Dennis hits the disc golf course, practices yoga, plays trumpet, explores entrepreneurship, and enjoys all things water-related. The beach remains his sanctuary - a place to truly "Be As You Are" (yes, that's a Kenny Chesney reference - he's a country music fan).
Dennis began speech therapy in public school, later transitioning to private practice, but that was just the beginning. His journey through stuttering has involved numerous highs and lows that shaped his entire being. Various therapeutic approaches beyond speech therapy have helped him develop a more mindful relationship with his stutter.
Pre-recording caffeine, Midtown, NYC
As an active Toastmaster serving as Treasurer for his Jacksonville, NC club, Dennis continuously pushes beyond his comfort zone while building his speaking toolbox and competing in speech competitions. His philosophy? Growth happens outside your comfort zone - and for those who stutter, joining a public speaking club definitely qualifies. But as Dennis would say: You can do it. You will do it.
About Our Host
Uri Schneider, M.A. CCC -SLP is co-founder and leader at Schneider Speech; creator and host of TranscendingX podcast community; and faculty at the University of California, Riverside School of Medicine.
Episode Highlights
00:00 – Introduction to TranscendingX
00:39 – Meet Dr. Dennis: the people-person PhD who stutters
01:34 – The personal growth journey of Dennis Szymanski
02:07 – Diving into semiconductors: life as a high-performing engineer
05:13 – Life and career of a semiconductor engineer
07:08 – Overcoming stuttering: childhood stories and mindset shifts
12:28 – How mindfulness and yoga support confident communication
21:37 – Spontaneity vs. fluency: a new paradigm for speaking with confidence
35:48 – The pressure of unscheduled conversations
36:23 – How mental state impacts stuttering and speaking performance
37:11 – Using yoga and mindfulness to improve self-expression
39:32 – Embracing imperfections
40:01 – Meeting yourself where you are
40:48 – Mental resilience and its role in effective communication
41:29 – Setting boundaries and saying no without guilt
41:53 – Navigating social interactions
42:15 – A speech science hack for smoother, more natural speaking
42:31 – Language constraints, adaptability, and confidence in speaking
50:41 – The power of mantras in reframing your communication mindset
55:53 – High school memories and stuttering: a Billy Madison moment
01:03:24 – Advice to a younger self: letting go of perfectionism
01:04:55 – Final reflections
Full Transcription
[00:00:00] Uri Schneider: Well, this is an awesome episode, uh, with Dr. Dennis. He's got a PhD in material science and engineering.
He works on, uh, semiconductor chips, but he's the least fact and figures PhD in material and science engineering that you've ever met. He's the most people person and that's really why this episode is so amazing because he comes out of his shell and he talks about his journey growing up as an 8-year-old kid fiddling with computers, but buttoned up his collar all the way to the top 'cause he wanted to keep everything under wraps. He wanted to keep everything under control lest than anything pop out unexpected, especially the stutter that he was sitting on. By the end of the episode, you get to hear the story of his Billy Madison moment, "t-t-t-t-today junior", and how that played a pivotal turning point, positive, positive experience in his life.
It's not recommended to be repeated, but hang in for this episode. You'll not wanna miss it.
Wow. It is great to be here. This wasn't supposed to happen. No. We met on Friday. You then flew down to North Carolina. That's correct. We'll say why you flew down and came back. Absolutely. Not just to record this episode, but it was all, it was all it seemed, it seemed too right to go wrong.
Fortuitous. It was fortuitous. This is the word that I've been thinking about this morning. Yes, yes. The stars aligned and you're a rock star and it was a pleasure to meet you. I was there with my dad. Here we are in Midtown. I'm so excited for this conversation. Uh, give people a taste of who is Dennis Semanski?
Well,
[00:01:33] Dennis: Ori the feeling is mutual. You are a rockstar to me. People like yourself, SLPs all around the world. I. Purely credit with saving my life. I said that in my presentation where I met your father, who then introduced me to yourself. I take that very seriously. I'm, I start off by saying I'm a stutter or not, because it defines me.
In fact, what speech therapy, other kinds of therapy, what my life has taught me is that the stutter actually enabled the dentist that's sitting here across the couch from you in midtown Manhattan. Today, I'm an engineer. I've been focused in semiconductors for my entire academic and professional career.
Semiconductors are what make the
[00:02:23] Uri Schneider: world go round. Tell us a little bit more what a semi, and by the way, I, I should have said Dr. D, Dr. Dennis, Dr. Semanski. I. Dr. Denny, Eddie,
[00:02:32] Dennis: Dr. Denny, Eddie. Denny Eddie. My dad is also Dennis. Yes, he's Dennis Lawrence. So I'm not quite a junior. I'm Dennis Edward. So Denny Eddie is something that I'm kind of cultivating here.
Okay. Um, and, and I like that. Um, my girlfriend Samantha, was the first person in my life to call me Denny. And you should have seen the look on my parents' faces when she first said it. It was as if she said, you know, some absolutely ridiculous name. And my parents said, where'd you get that from? And she said.
You guys, you named Tim Dennis, right? So anyway, I digress. I, I, you know, Dennis Semiconductors, semiconductors, Dr. Denny, Eddie Semiconductors, like I said, very high level. What makes the modern world go round? If you're talking about machine learning, artificial intelligence, anything that charges faster, right?
You might have noticed your phone all of a sudden charges in five minutes as opposed to five hours when we first got cell phones back in the eighties and nineties. All these are from advancements in semiconductor materials. They're what make, they're the engine. That drives the modern car, the modern world, all the fancy materials in your car, all the touchscreens and all these things, all semiconductors, uh, more crisp computer screens, all these types of things, video games, it's all based on, that's the physical hardware that runs off of it.
So I've been doing that. Like I said, since I'm 17 years old, I've, my mom is in it, so I kind of, she was my first desk job and saw putting together computers and I wondered just having the mindset that I do, how, how does that work? And I need to know how that works. It's not just, it wasn't enough for me to plug in a motherboard and put in a couple of different ram, you know, random access memory chips and plug in a hard drive, plug in a CD drive wasn't enough for me to say that.
That's how it works. I needed to know what was inside of those things. And those are semiconductors. So that's how today we're gonna get inside
[00:04:27] Uri Schneider: Denny Eddie. Yeah. Good luck. Good luck. I live with 'em every day. Amazing. Amazing. So give us a taste. So today, where do you live? And, and, and what do you do? What are, what do you do professionally?
Like, what's your day job and then what do you enjoy doing when you got free time?
[00:04:41] Dennis: Absolutely. Well, I live now, I'm a native New Yorker native to the North Shore Long Island. Um, but I moved around, up and down halfway down the east coast for academic career. Went upstate New York to SUNY Albany to start my journey in semiconductors.
Went down to Raleigh, North Carolina to obtain my PhD in, um, material science and engineering with a focus in semiconductors. There I fell in love with the southeast of the United States. Pace of life, kind of people down there. The hobbies I was able to develop and continue. As a matter of fact, uh, growing up on Long Island, I loved the beach, love any sort of water sport, and that's why I decided, you know, after moving from Raleigh to Allentown, Bethlehem area, Pennsylvania, great spot, started my career there professionally, met Sam there, met, met my girlfriend up, uh, in the Scranton area.
Lived up there for a little while, but now we both live north of Wilmington in a sleepy little beach town, Sneads Ferry. And I am blessed to work in a hybrid, remote kind of setting. Um, I'm a product engineer for a British semiconductor firm. Uh, so what that means very high level is I connect our customers into our engineering, into our technology.
Make their needs, our focus. And so I, I do a lot of work from home. I'll travel to conferences, travel to one of our manufacturing sites worldwide. So that's what I do professionally. Um, personally, I, I, I do love entrepreneurship. I love getting out and speaking in public. We'll get into it, um, sure a little later in the podcast.
But that is, uh, was a very logical step in my mind, logical on my fluency journey. I found that pushing myself outta my comfort zone in my life, but then as it relates to my stutter, especially pushing myself outta my comfort zone, was a way I could improve not only my stutter, but personally. I don't think you give yourself
[00:06:44] Uri Schneider: credit, because a lot of people, it's cozy in the comfort zone.
A lot of people like to stay there. They like to complain. We, all of us, I'm talking about myself included, you know, like I. I can fetch, you know, you know, fetch. Yeah. Hey, absolutely. Yeah. Long Island. So, you know, like I could fetch for a long time, but am I actually ready to do something about it? I don't know.
Like, 'cause it's even scarier on the other side. So when you say it's logical, I don't know if it's logical or maybe it is logical, but emotionally it, you have to get over a hurdle, which we'll talk about.
[00:07:14] Dennis: I'll say no. What would you say? I'll say logical to me. And that's something that I think, something that I connected with you on, something I connected with your father on, is that the importance of, of the journey to oneself and the focus that yes, it's logical to me, but as you say, not logical.
And I would say even to me, it's not emotionally logical. 'cause I remember times in my life where it was very illogical. Mm-hmm. To go and speak in public. Right. Very. So would you describe yourself, maybe this is it, maybe you're just not a co fetcher. I am one that. Yeah, with everything, likes to push myself outside of my comfort zone will be another, a first time that that showed itself in your life.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing is one of my favorite sayings. Mm. So that's where it comes out. And I would say, what's, so what's something
[00:08:06] Uri Schneider: you did like that?
[00:08:07] Dennis: Well, first off, I, I already alluded to it, but I, I do have a PhD in what I do. I I figured that not, not only did I see different glass ceilings, different opportunities that present themselves to those with that level of education, but I couldn't stop after just one level.
I knew there were other levels out there. And in fact, part of the journey and what I've learned even past, uh, the PhD with my personal in, in my professional life, but in my personal life, is that there's always new things to discover. The fact of being a lifelong student. Is I think the manifestation now of that mindset that I've had, take the bull by the horns, wrestle it to the ground.
I think, I think it actually, one of the things I remember first, that relentless mindset is another way to maybe say that, that we're saying it manifested itself in my speech therapy.
[00:09:04] Uri Schneider: Hmm. We're gonna get to that. We are, I think Friday. That was the first. I wanna give you a big hat tip. Yamaka Tip Friday. W my, I didn't go to your talk.
You let off the morning. My father comes in and he says, whoa, you just missed the greatest talk. He said, your opening talk on Friday morning. And I was, I was prepping with joy to present a little bit later that morning, and I wanted to be at your talk. My dad comes back, he says, he just did the whole thing, the whole story, the whole slideshow that you're about to do.
He just told his story and it gets everything. He's amazing. You gotta connect with this guy. And then I, we connected after my presentation and you came in and, and we had a good vibe. And then afterwards, I remember we were sitting there and I'm like, would you like to do a podcast? And you're like, yes.
And this is your first episode ever recording a podcast, right? That's correct. So that kind of speaks to the way you roll. Again, not a lot of fetch. If you don't fetch, you don't know what it's like to be a ke fetcher. There are a lot of people out there that all they do is fetch. And for some people it's part of a process.
I'm ready to fetch about my problem, but I'm not ready to actually look into options. Yes. Or I'm ready to stop fetching and actually do some homework and see what could I do about this. And then there's a stage where you're ready to contemplate actually selecting what you're going to do, and then you're ready to actually do something.
And this is a cycle called the stages of change. Um, but some people, myself included in certain areas, get stuck in fetch mode. And, uh, you're fortunate if you're not surrounded by such people, but, uh, surrounding yourself with people like yourself, it rubs off. You get, you get, you get jazzed, you get energized, you get activated.
So I feel different since we met,
[00:10:44] Dennis: well, don't get me wrong again. I, I, I think there's things that serve oneself in every part of life. So I'm not gonna sit and sit across from you here and say, I never kvetch. I, I, I would be doing myself a disservice. And I think Sam might, let's,
[00:11:01] Uri Schneider: there's no vowel between the K and the V vetch.
This is the, there you go. Fetch. There you go. See, and I know you have Polish background. I do a lot of the, you get like too many syllables next to each other. Way too many. And as American English speakers, we like to throw in a little schwa. Yeah, a little something, a little vowel. You gotta like be able to blend them together.
So it's fetch, especially
[00:11:18] Dennis: a long island. You wanna throw in the, you know, the awe, the a you know, wherever you can That's right. You know, talk and walk and all these types of things. You, you're, you're down. Yeah. Let's a bagel boss. You I've, I I've been there. Yeah. I mean, we just came from getting, getting some coffee, but, but let's, let's totally, let's go full Long Island.
I got a bagel this morning. As a matter of
[00:11:32] Uri Schneider: May wouldn't be a,
[00:11:34] Dennis: it wouldn't be a long island. Scooped
[00:11:35] Uri Schneider: out, scooped out with the light tuna and the Absolutely. Absolutely. Um, so fetch, let's take a picture, like bring us to Dennis, Denny, Eddie, whatever you were going by at the time. Like you said, don't get us wrong.
So what was a, what was a memory or maybe a, a Billy Madison moment? You could bring us back to some earlier iterations,
[00:11:56] Dennis: some earlier iterations. I, there's something about going back and reflecting, putting myself in my own shoes, but maybe earlier in life as a, like a mindfulness technique that I've done where, imagine yourself as an 8-year-old, imagine 8-year-old Dennis.
What would he be thinking? What would he be doing? Would he be thinking about this moment? And that's where, where I stop and really reflect. And that's where I think that analysis and maybe tove just a little bit more in that moment, I is an important time to do so. Whereas maybe, yeah, having an opportunity to do a podcast, just go, but.
8-year-old Dennis, what would I see? 8-year-old Dennis. Would you, would, you would not have seen him sitting across the couch from you? What would we see? What does he look like? What's he doing? What's he feeling? 8-year-old Dennis thought, de thought Dennis was gonna be an, gonna be an introvert forever.
Never understood yet the people-person that was waiting to come out. And in fact, all the way up until my mid twenties, I remember sitting in the lab and thinking that, you know, I did take a career that wasn't as people-centric. And I remember looking around and thinking there's something bigger for me, but I didn't know what that was.
I, I really didn't. And that's where I reflected on 8-year-old Dennis. Okay. What, what, what would he do here? Where, what would he be thinking? Because at that time, especially as it relates to my speech, I've had decades of reflection for my mental approach to speaking as well as decades of practice for my, my, you know, physical tools that I practice.
I put it in quotes because everybody's tools are different, whether they're physical, you know, working on the, you know, stress level potentially in your body or you know, mental different kinds of things. But 8-year-old dentists didn't have those tools. And to see that evolution and that self appreciation, we so often go through our lives.
Stutterers, not stutterers. And don't give yourself time to coate yourself. That's, and, and that's the essence of it. We, we can, and that's what I think, I try to take action and not do that in my real life because I wanna save that energy. I wanna save that time for self-reflection.
[00:14:46] Uri Schneider: I think the beauty of the C fetch is kind of like, in the c fetch is the moment that says like, it doesn't have to be like this.
[00:14:53] Dennis: Yes. Don't,
[00:14:53] Uri Schneider: I don't, I don't necessarily like this. And I think somehow, some way, either there's a feeling of entitlement where I'd like to think there's like, there's an aspiration that it could be better. And I
[00:15:06] Dennis: remember just again, going back to the Yeah. Bring us to, to the 8-year-old Dennis, my sister, we're all very outgoing people.
My family. And I remember having the thought as a, as a little kid, my sister's two and a half years younger than me, and I remember being like, outshined by her. And, and feeling that that way, and not in a negative sense. I just thought, oh, okay. I'm a bit more introverted than my sister is. But it's that reflection.
It's that, you know, doing that mindfulness exercise, thinking about my 8-year-old self, that I realized that in big part, no, we're, we're extroverts. The, the semanski are extroverts. And I'm no exception. Just at that time I was still coming to grips with my communication.
[00:15:55] Uri Schneider: Seeing you give your talk, watching you work the room, having lunch with you at the conference, and then spending some time here in the city.
It's striking what a people person you are, what a presence you have and how you, your charisma, how you just amazing, outstanding. It sounds like 8-year-old Dennis wasn't, wasn't with the same vibe. No. So give us just a picture, 'cause you kind of talked about it, but give us an anecdote or two. Like how is, how is this 8, 9, 10, 11, 12-year-old Dennis operating?
[00:16:29] Dennis: I was definitely quiet. I was more quiet. I was more reserved. I, I remember, for example, I would have this buttoned up all the way, all the way just looks wise. Because I thought that may be, and this is, this is getting a little deep. I'm, I'm analyzing myself here with you. It's real, it, it's a hundred percent real.
A hundred percent. And that's, that's why I'm, I'm so excited here and getting animated, you know, for those who, who can't see us here listening. Listen, I'm getting a little, a little animated, but it's, there was the fact that I needed to be buttoned up on the outside because I knew something inside. Wasn't buttoned up.
And something else that's been made apparent as I've grown up, I'm, I'm a perfectionist in certain areas of my life. So to have that, I'm gonna put this in heavy air quotes, imperfection as I, as, as 8-year-old Dennis, interpreted it, be in such an essential thing to humanity, which is communication. And then to be even more essential to my family, being extroverts, being people, people, I come from Italians, I, you know, I come from just loud family in general.
I'm, I'm a, you know, I'm many nationalities, backgrounds, being a Long Island guy, but you know, Italian. So to be loud, to get that word in, you know, to, to try and hold that conversation. It, it took, it took growing up in that family to, to get an understanding and an appreciation of that environment. And I think something that.
Came to me through my practice and through fluency, me trying to be more fluent and first having that relationship with stuttering, that it's the fluency that matters, it's the flu At the practice, I did practice a lot because I thought that that was the only way out and something that I've been so appreciative and now like making from 8-year-old dentist to maybe 17-year-old dentist, 20-year-old dentist, is appreciating that that was just one step in the journey.
That the next bit is, okay, how? How do I actually relate to my stutter? My own stutter? 'cause it's something that doesn't go away. You could practice until you're blue in the face. I can practice until there were some times I'm so comfortable where I could put my fluency toolbox on the shelf. But then there were some times, for example, still to this day when I get sick.
I gotta keep that thing right in my lap because it's, it's stress, it's uncomfort, it's outside the comfort zone. And there are still many times where, where I find myself reaching for that toolbox, E even as somebody who's practiced, who's been in stressful environments, who's been in environments that are not conducive to one with a stutter even in.
And I think being raised how I was raised, coming from the family I did, um, in my case, was quite helpful because I say in my case, again, because I know myself, and it might not be for others, but it let me in on what I might need to practice on. So, for example, raising my voice, that's stressful for a stutterer that can be stressful for anybody raising their voice in a room of people.
It doesn't matter if it's their friends, their family, their colleagues, random, you know. On a subway, you know, right. Where wherever they, they, they, they might be. So to, so to have that in those formative years while also having a stutter, I could definitely say anecdotally that helped me as opposed to where I, I've talked to others where, you know, maybe in that situation they might feel suppressed and that that stress might affect them in a different way.
So in that sense, I, I, I do understand my own individual experience and, and how that's so important to understand the individual experience with stuttering, with, you know, talking to somebody, meeting somebody new. How might their individual experience relate, um, and, and, and impact the person you're sitting across from today?
Is this
[00:20:52] Uri Schneider: the moment maybe to share that Billy Madison episode? Yeah. Yeah. Um. I again, you know, broke because you're sitting here and you're looking good and you're sounding pretty fluid and you're talking about like what a out, you know, disproportionate role stuttering played in your identity and sense of what you were ready to allow yourself to do, or what was easier, what was hard, but like, uh, yeah, really like, so give us, like, give us a taste of the other side of, of what that could look like, what that was like on the receiving end and yeah, I think
[00:21:29] Dennis: that having a stutter and reflecting, you know, let me know that there, yeah, well there were certain times where I was, you know, missing out on opportunities because I didn't have the right words at the right time.
And, and I think maybe that contributes to, did you not have them in your mind or they just weren't ready to? I appreciate that because that's something that I wanna make everything clear. I wanna make it clear to everybody that. In my stuttering world, the words are 99% of the time fully formed, ready to go in my head.
And it is just the physical manifestation of the language of the sounds leaving my vocal courts. That is the struggle. I know we're leaving exactly what I wanna say. We're gonna leave here.
[00:22:20] Uri Schneider: You're gonna go to a flight at LaGuardia? I am. It's like air traffic control. You got all the planes lined up, they're all on the runway.
Oh yeah. Everybody's lined up. You're first for takeoff. Second for takeoff. You got the whole thing lined up. So it's not that you're dumb, it's not that you don't know what you wanna say. It's not that you're at a LA loss for words or that you're having a panic attack or you're nervous. It's just air traffic controller is not, not able to line up the coordination of coming in, going out, and everything kind of gets.
Stuck in a holding pattern and and now you understand
[00:22:51] Dennis: the delays at LaGuardia. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know that maybe, maybe if they had a rail line to LaGuardia, maybe my stutter wouldn't be as bad. And I'm just, just kidding. A little New York humor for everybody out there.
[00:23:03] Uri Schneider: But so for you, the words are lined up, the ideas are there, it's just the execution off.
They're impressive, they're
[00:23:09] Dennis: present and, and my Billy Madison story is a great segue because the perfect example of the words being there, I was reading a book, you know, different kind of popcorn reading styles and English class in high school or something like this, right? Oh, popcorn, over to you. This passage.
[00:23:24] Uri Schneider: Well, it's nice. I dunno what's better, right when they go according to. In order, and then you kind of anticipate which one's gonna be your paragraph and panic until it gets to your turn. Yeah. Or popcorn, where at any moment they might jump on you, which some people feel great. Then I don't have that preparation anticipation time, which is refreshing.
Yeah. On the other hand, I'm feeling like antsy the entire time. Welcome.
[00:23:43] Dennis: I wanna see if we can put a bookmark, 'cause I, I wanna finish Yeah. Billy Madison, but, but I wanna put a bookmark in something you said about, you know, which one's better. Yeah. We'll come back to that, your preference, because I, I do think that that speaks to the mindfulness approaches as opposed to just using the tools Yes.
Where you can prepare. As a stutterer and as a human being. Right? I think this can speak to a lot, you know, not just Stutterers, but let's just go there and bookmark Billy Madison. Bookmark Billy Madison. Okay. You know, I think something I've, I've learned in the lifelong journey, you know, especially as an adult, especially, you know, uh, where my environment's taken me, you know, I, I now live in, in a place where I can be more myself, I feel like, be it, you know, socially, financially, the hobbies that I keep, you know, on, on, you know, where, where, where I live, um, all of these things.
So I think that it could speak to a much broader, uh, thing. So, you know, to book to, to bookmark Billy Madison. The, the approach I took, obviously starting off was how to approach the situation in front of me with my stutter being ubiquitous. So that's where practicing those fluency tools on my own. Or with, you know, select trusted conversation partners and bringing them into the real world, bringing them into the situations that are in front of me.
That was the first step, I think in, in, in, in my fluency journey. So using, I use the airflow technique is, is how it was taught to me, you know, so just stretch the first vowel that came out of my vocal chords after a breath. So I might do something like this in order to relieve that pressure, relieve that stress that I had, um, in my speech.
So these were the first steps, but speaking to the situation, right, you said, which might be
[00:25:42] Uri Schneider: more anticipatory, just object there. And we talked about this before we set. Yep. That alone, that airflow strategy or the execution of it. Was that the be all and end all? Like that's what got us to Dr. Denny Eddie
[00:25:54] Dennis: today.
No, no. That's exactly where we're going. That's exactly where we're going here. And why I wanted to put a bookmark in it, but I think you rightfully so bookmark the Billy Madison. The, if you knew how many tabs I have open on Chrome. Oh. I have like 98 open myself. Well versed in bookmarks, you know what I'm saying?
Great. Perfect. I have a bunch of bookmarks on my bookshelf at home, and I also have like 98 Google Chrome tabs open myself. Amazing. So I, I understand it sounds like kindred spirits here. So brother from another mother. Brother from another mother. Mother from another mother, uh, so close on Long Island. Um, so we, we, I learned to approach not just with airflow, because I, I knew that that wasn't it, because I would still be in certain situations where.
I had a better or worse relationship with my stutter. I'm trying to move away. I'm purposely dancing around the word fluency and disfluency because I, I do believe it's a relationship with the stutter because it's, the goal is communication in my mind, the goal is not necessarily to get rid of the stutter.
The goal is to communicate with your conversation partner. Whether that conversation partner is worry across me from the pod, you know, from the podcast ordering a coffee before we met, or, you know, a whole room of people doesn't matter. Um, I'm learning
[00:27:12] Uri Schneider: that, uh, the high rise gene is the new skinny gene.
The high rise gene. You know, like things are shifting, right? Yes. So, so I said something last week at a talk just came out. Spontaneity is the new fluency.
[00:27:25] Dennis: I like that, and it keeps me on track because as you see, I, I have the tendency to wander when I talk. We, we, we have the tendency to wander. We we're dancing when we're talking.
We're dancing, we're putting bookmarks in places, you know, all, all stuff and credit where credits
[00:27:37] Uri Schneider: due. Dr. Chris Constantino is my favorite person to listen to. He's also an incredible researcher. I think of him as a philosopher. He's also a person who stutters, and he's been, he's been really putting the emphasis on the idea of spontaneity is the goal for all of us as communicators and for people who stutter.
One of the, one of the biggest prices they pay. Is what price they're ready to pay. The cost they're ready to absorb in the name of fluency, but like letting go of spontaneity or letting go of saying the word they really wanted to say. Mm-hmm. Like the best word. Mm-hmm. Or the, the way they wanted to phrase that sentence, they're like recalculating or doing everything or losing their mind literally and figuratively.
Trying to employ all sorts of tools, right. That don't feel integrated, that don't feel part of them. They're like very forced and cognitively big load. So spontaneity. I just wanna give him credit for that. But spontaneity is the new
[00:28:37] Dennis: fluency. And when you said that it, I'm so happy we're talking about this on the podcast because when you said it in your talk, it resonated because it's exactly where I was going past airflow, past the tools, past anything else.
It was my approach and preparation for different speaking situations. And how I did that I found significantly impacted my stuttering in, in the moment. And then pulling that thread even further is, well, life is a lot about communication and what's communication, speaking situations, you're communicating and speaking situations.
So I have to be not only prepared for speaking situations, different speaking situations, but I have to be better prepared for my life, for the life that I have to live. So I knew that I had to take a holistic approach. I did speech therapy when I was younger. I did, you know, your, your, your we'll call like a more psychological therapy in my life.
Uh, I've done different kinds of, of, of, uh, therapies with, with addiction, things like this. Um, so I, I've taken a very, I. A very mindful approach to to, to my own mental health. And I, I've done yoga for the better part of the last year, and that is to prepare myself for life because life is a thread of speaking situations.
And that's how me as a stutterer thinks of it. Because we get through life by talking, communing with people. You talk to people, life is a string of speaking situations. So by preparing better for life, having a more, I find just relaxed approach. Um, when I'm put in that spontaneous situation.
[00:30:35] Uri Schneider: Hmm.
[00:30:37] Dennis: I come at it from a more mindful place in general.
And I have found anyway that, that has been. My biggest, my, my, my newest we'll say milestone in my relationship with my stutter. I'm sure there's still more to come. So less of what? And more of what? More focus on you and less focus on the stutter. Mm. And I say more fo because yoga, for example, I love it. I, I, I was introduced to it by my girlfriend Sam.
She done it. She did it in her previous life. You brought a lot of
[00:31:15] Uri Schneider: good stuff.
[00:31:16] Dennis: Phenomenal. Phenomenal. I, I, I tell her all the time, she saved my life at least once, at least once a month. And I have to tell her more. Um, she doesn't appreciate how many ways I wish she could have been a fly on the wall for my whole life because she would really understand how much she saved it.
But yoga is being the one thing, one of the things for sure. Because yoga and stuttering, right? They, they don't necessarily link in your mind. Totally. For me, I think they're totally connect. They didn't link in my mind. Yeah. And this is where they would, you would think they're disconnected. You would think they're disconnected.
What does one have to do with the other, but. Like I said, I, I went from speech therapy with the, with, with the tools as well as the mindfulness approaches. But now, you know, having those tools and seeing that my particular tools worked for me, what was next, and looking at mindfulness, different therapies, and then the next even step for me was now yoga.
So I say it now, I fully understand I'm on your side. I'm like, yeah, of course it's related to speech and fluency and, you know, my, my better relationship with my stutter because, but now I figure that out because, for example, before I give a public speech, I meditate and I learn to do that better through doing yoga.
What does that look like? What's your routine before
[00:32:26] Uri Schneider: you speak? I try and find, you're talking about a prepared speech or you're talking about like a phone call? Anything, anything really. And, and you're calling your girlfriend. Do you prepare or you just pick up the phone?
[00:32:37] Dennis: Not in the same way I. Not in the same way that I would prepare for, we'll say, a five to seven minute Toastmasters competition speech.
Absolutely. That's more
[00:32:47] Uri Schneider: formal. It's also one directional. Mm-hmm. I'm wondering, are there conversations that you do not prepare? That you just go in on the fly? Or would you say there's some level of preparation to every time you open your mouth? I would
[00:32:57] Dennis: say that that answer change that 8-year-old Dennis.
Yeah, absolutely. Almost every conversation there was preparation.
[00:33:07] Uri Schneider: Almost every single, that anticipation, 'cause that's what really got us going here was when I talked about what's, what's preferable. Yes. Going one by one where you know it's coming or the popcorn. So 8-year-old Dennis is extremely vigilant, would you say?
Yes, absolutely. Very self-aware and trying to keep everything buttoned up, as you said. Mm-hmm. In check under control, because if you don't stay vigilant, you know, some something catastrophic might happen. Right.
[00:33:34] Dennis: That little. The top button of my polo might unbutton, right? Mm-hmm. And then what's, what's next?
Right? The whole next thing I know I'm gonna be shirtless in the middle of school, and that's not good. So I was trying to do a metaphor with my stutter. I was turing, I was just picturing that, but I also held back, well, um, don't have to hold back. I'm, I'm trying to not to hold back here. So we, uh, yeah, that's exactly how we got here was, you know, preparing for different situations.
So now, so you, you wanna say what you prepare? Yeah. Now then, now I would say no. Right? If I, if I get a phone call from Sam or from my dad, or even from a very close colleague, I don't prepare as much. Do you hesitate like, Hmm, am I down for this conversation right now? I've. Now I'm glad, I'm very glad you brought that up, because I wouldn't have, but I fully can make a connection here.
I do that more often. Now, today as, as an adult than I ever did. I used to answer every single phone call no matter what mental state I was in, no matter what fluency or so kind of relationship with my stutter state I was in. If I was sick, you know, I know I'm gonna stutter a little more when I'm sick versus if I wasn't sick, right.
I used to answer it, but now it's part of the meeting myself. Where I am a little more mindful approach to my, to, to, to my life is even if I do feel okay with my stutter, I'll sometimes be like, yeah, you know, I'm not, the calculus is not
[00:34:54] Uri Schneider: about stutter or not stutter. No, it's, it's a different calculus. It is, it's, it's a general like, am I.
Do I wanna intentionally take this call and have this engagement right now? Right. Or would I like to bookmark it for later? Right. Exactly. So now, 'cause when someone calls like it's on their schedule. Exactly. You're often not necessarily timed and synced with where you're at. So if you're in a deep work session, you're working out, taking a walk, having a podcast, you know, this person thought this would be a great time to call Dennis.
Right. It doesn't mean Dennis thinks this is a great time to take this call. But there was a time where it could be for somebody like the be all end all is like, oh my gosh, am I prepared? Do I have the answers that they want? And for someone who stutters, it could be like, is my speech gonna work? I don't think so.
I'm gonna just take a voicemail and see if I can somehow respond with a text message.
[00:35:43] Dennis: Yeah. And, and there are certainly situations that I can reflect back on that that was the case where, where I denied that call or pushed that meeting or something because I knew I was in a state. Where I might stutter more, or even just a state where I wasn't prepared mentally, but what I'm, you know, making the connection with you here.
And as I sit here before you and evolve as a human being, I'm making the connection that my mental state and my stutter are inextricably linked inextricably. So if I have a more positive mental state, there's a very good chance that I'll have a more positive relationship with my stutter.
[00:36:29] Uri Schneider: Which, and that's true with your stutter.
It's true with relating to anything. Right. And that's where the yoga to me is so intuitively connected. Like we think people come all the time and they wanna figure out how to fix one thing or fix another thing, or. Do public speaking, give a TED talk, even though they have a non-American English accent or some imperfection in one sound that they say, or they want to have that New York accent, or they don't, they wanna erase it.
You know, everybody's got a love-hate relationship with something about their image, their sound, something. And I think what intuitively makes sense to me, and what you said you got to, is that you can't come into a situation, give a great talk, have a great conversation, connect with someone in a real way.
If you're in this hypervigilant, stressed out, overtired, not fueled, not, you know, the, the wheels aren't greased if you have a good night's sleep. If you take a few moments to transition into that conversation, to take a moment to figure out, okay, I'm wrapping what I'm coming from. I'm making myself available.
I'm making myself open, I'm making myself loose. Nothing to do with speech, me as a being, coming in, available, bookmarking, all those other things that I wanna come back to. Not holding them and juggling them in my mental mind as I'm having this engagement here. If you're doing all those things, the speech can't go as well as it can go in any metric.
But if you do those things, you actually have a lot more margin of error for imperfections. No error quotes on that imperfections because we're all perfectly imperfect and like the conversation and the communication and the engagement can be incredible. And even if you notice a little hiccup somewhere, a little crack, a little something, you might notice it.
But if you amplify all the other resources you have in your being and in your skills, in your toolbox. And they should become natural and become part of you. The margin of error allows for certain things to be there, but they don't become interference. They don't become a distraction, not for you and not for your listener.
So that's why I think your, your state being in a strong state of health and strength and wellness to the greatest degree that you can optimize that. And then, you know, being interested in the other, not just so caught up in like regulating yourself, but being available to listen and being available to be heard and taken a chance to say what
[00:38:51] Dennis: you really wanna say.
Uh, uh, something I, two, two things came to mind, but one, one thing was you mentioned that the, the experience of stuttering is not just an experience with stuttering. People deal with their own. Their own imperfections. And that is quotes that is in air quotes because we are perfectly imperfect. I, I, I love that saying.
I heard that on one of your other podcast episodes. Credit to Kristen Kamela. She's the one I heard it from. Perfectly imperfect, absolutely phenomenal. And I think that the sentiment that I've said to myself, uh, you know, a mantra if you will over the last year, love mantras or so is meet yourself where you are.
Meet yourself where you are. And I say that as it relates to me because there are sometimes where I will feel bad ignoring that call or feel like I'm being lazy pushing that meeting. But I might have just had a three day work trip and I'm gonna be tired. I. And maybe I'm a hundred percent prepared, but I'm just gonna be tired for that meeting and I know there's gonna be maybe something else on my mind.
Uh, the airline lost my bag. This, that, the other thing. I just almost missed my cab by three minutes. I'm all stressed out, blah, blah, blah. So as you said, and, and I fully appreciated, I, I, I had it in, in my talk, is that your mental state is so important. No matter if you're a person who stutters, a person who is stressed out at work, a, a a, a person who might be raising a child who stutters, you know, you have to meet yourself where you are and, and you know, if you have to give your child that extra three seconds to speak, that's okay.
You know, that's, that's,
[00:40:39] Uri Schneider: that's okay. And if you don't have the patient in that, the patience or the three seconds right then and there, that's okay too. Right. And give it later when you have the resources to do it, meet yourself where you are. Exactly. That's, that's it. Love that. And last night, just like your living example, you practiced what you preach.
Last night I was full throttle. I wanted to prep for today, I was available. And you were like, I'm gonna give this some thought. Yes. And I'm gonna get back to you in the morning.
[00:41:03] Dennis: Love that. That is something I, I see. And, and I love that you bring it up because I got, I, full disclosure, please. I was incredibly uncomfortable saying that I was incredibly uncomfortable because the person in me, that non kvi,
[00:41:21] Uri Schneider: oh, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no. Gotta We're we're gonna get this, we're not finishing the episode until this feels comfortable.
[00:41:26] Dennis: Yeah.
[00:41:27] Uri Schneider: Okay. Help
[00:41:27] Dennis: me. We're gonna slow it down that Yeah. May maybe slow in. I'm, I'm gonna mute myself where I am. Yo, I can't say, I can't say this word properly
[00:41:34] Uri Schneider: yet,
[00:41:34] Dennis: so, so I'm gonna mute myself where I'm,
[00:41:35] Uri Schneider: I'm Use a little speech, speech science hack.
Hit me. You ready, please? Okay. Little, little caveat. So the word tsunami? Yeah. Can you think of another word in the English language that starts with a combination? Ts I'll save you the trouble. No. Yeah. No, I, no, because ts is a phono tactic constraint in the English language. And tsunami is not a native English word.
I'm not sure where it comes from the etymology of it, but you don't have ts and that's why for many people, for example, what's that? Jewish bread they sell at the bagel stores on Long Island, the Friday Night Bread, you know what it's called? I mean, H-A-L-L-A-H. You, you never saw the holla bread. Ha I I've seen Hola bread, but holla bread.
How do you say it? I like chala. Holla. Yeah. So we say chala. Yes. But like as an American English speaker, you wouldn't say it's like, but you could say, ha. It's not that you can't say the sound. Correct. But there's a phono tactic constraint in your brain in the software. Mm-hmm. It says that's not a kosher sound.
I mean it is kosher, but we're not allowed to say that sound. That's not right. That's not right. And there are other languages, not English. People have a lot of trouble saying the Ah, yeah. One. Yeah, yeah. One, two free. They don't stick the tongue out for this. People think it's an articulation problem. It's a phone attacking constraint.
'cause in a lot of languages, but not American English. Sticking your tongue out would not be acceptable.
[00:43:01] Dennis: Hmm.
[00:43:02] Uri Schneider: So in the Asian languages, to my knowledge in Hebrew, there's no, there's no sound where the tongue exits. Interesting. The oral cavity, huh? But Americans, you know.
[00:43:13] Dennis: Just about to stick
[00:43:13] Uri Schneider: our tongues at everybody.
Stick it all. It's all out there. It's all out there. So come back to tsunami and fetch. So the kv for you is a phono tactic constraint. It is clearly. So if you want to get, but, but obviously there's nothing wrong with saying a k and a beak. You could do it, but you just got the software tells you they don't go next to each other.
Mm-hmm. So to override that, if you think about the K is like the end of the previous word. So let's say, um, make, make vetch the next word is vetch. Make vetch. Yeah. So then you could put them next to each other. Ve and then slowly just get the M to drop away, make fetch. But picture the Yeah, the see book fetch.
And here you have in real time kvetch. This man just up updated his operating system to talk like a Jewish Long Island guy saying he's a fetcher. Look at that. Like windows. Windows 11, windows 12. We are more adaptable than we think. Absolutely. Totally. So you were saying about fetching there. Um. You had that tab, right?
I took us too far.
[00:44:16] Dennis: Yeah. Help, help, help me with my, uh, Google bookmark. I think I put that one in incognito mode. Uh, oh. My cookies.
[00:44:23] Uri Schneider: Oh, hold on. Let me open that. Uh mm. We're just gonna have to, we're just gonna have to go where we go.
[00:44:29] Dennis: We said that so. Oh
[00:44:31] Uri Schneider: yeah.
[00:44:31] Dennis: So I was saying that you, you know, your meeting where we are is where we came from and I think that's, that's where
[00:44:37] Uri Schneider: Oh, oh, oh.
I know that's because last night you said it was uncomfortable for you. That's exactly where we And you didn't wanna be a C fetcher. Yes. And it's cool also, 'cause today we talked about legitimizing and de-stigmatizing. It's okay to fetch. We did. But it, at some point you don't identify with that. You don't want to be a kutcher.
So when you told me, Hey, gimme some time. You said that, that's exactly where we left off. Yeah. And it did. But see, even when you're in incognito mode, you're not really forgotten.
[00:45:03] Dennis: But we, you know, I got, I still got something going, going on in the background.
[00:45:08] Uri Schneider: Yeah. So start from the beginning there. So the story was, I gave you props.
Yep. And I actually was, it was inspiring and it was informative and it was very admirable to me that I was in full throttle. I was ready. I knew this morning I wouldn't have time. That might match up. For us to sync up. And I was available yesterday and I was hopeful that it would be a good time for you, but I didn't have an expectation and I wasn't disappointed.
But I thought it was really cool that you didn't say, Hey, can we talk in a half hour? It was like, I'd really like to think about what you just shared with me and get back to you in the morning. I thought that was awesome. And what you're saying now is on your side. It,
[00:45:50] Dennis: it made me uncomfortable. It did. Um, I am a people pleaser.
I knew that. I know that about myself. I think a lot of us are. Um, I think it's a hardwired thing to some extent. We wanna, especially somebody you meet early, you know, like we, we've, we've only, you know, had had a less than a week of rapport and I was very excited to build on this rapport. So that was another bit A week.
[00:46:15] Uri Schneider: A week is actually, um, you're exaggerating. We met on Friday, barely. We had a week. We spoke on Friday for maybe an hour and a half. And then didn't speak. And then we connected
[00:46:28] Dennis: yesterday, a couple of WhatsApp messages back and forth. But that was it. So that was even more of a reason why I'm like, oh man, this guy's full throttle.
I really like the connection that, that we had initially. I'm wanting to further that. Is this gonna, is this gonna take his foot off the gas to the point where, where we're not on the gas, where we get outta the car. Right. You know you're gonna get off the road, you know, we're just gonna get off the road that, that's it.
He's hitting the brakes now. Like his foot's not off the gas, he's hitting the brakes. But I said, you know what, if that's the case, so be it. Because I know that I was able to share with you much more in depth thoughts. I was even able, I was, I knew I was going out to dinner with my mother. I was gonna hang out with my childhood best friend.
We've known each other since we're literally in diapers. And I was hanging out with my stepdad, who's known me since I'm eight years old. And I knew that those conversations. Would help me better prepare for this and prepare the conversation points that I was gonna give to you and pushing our conversation off made you available for those.
Exactly. And again, that's like, that's something else that I used to and still do. You know, I, I just came off of a, as you said, I went, I, I think I've taken four flights in the last, uh, three days. Takes it to no one. But, you know, I always double book myself. I overbook myself and then I find that I'm not present in the moment and I struggle with being present in the moment anyway when I'm not overbooking myself.
So I said, am I really gonna try and stretch myself even thinner? And I said to myself, no, not, and not just because I was gonna get stressed out, but because I knew I wasn't going to give you the best material, the best conversation that I could. And I knew that I was gonna wake up in the morning, fresh, prepare, have my cups of coffee.
Hit you up and say, Hey, I have this nice prepped. And I knew that because that whatever time we were gonna have to prepare was gonna be what it's gonna be. And we were gonna have a great show. Be enough. That was it. It's a great word. I knew we were gonna have a great show. Good
[00:48:36] Uri Schneider: enough prep enough. That's it.
And uh, what's cool is that you shared full disclosure that that wasn't easy. That wasn't like the norm. And even today it wasn't easy for you to send that message, but it was intentional. So that's cool and that's evolving. Yeah, absolutely. And, and, and the other thing I wanna say about that is you said no to me at that moment.
You were saying yes to you every No is the other side of a yes. And if you're a yes person who just says yes to everything, the person that gets the no is usually you. Yeah. And, and I have learned how, and I have a hard time saying
[00:49:12] Dennis: no, but when I reframe it this way, it's great. I learned it in spades in the last two years of my life.
And I say specifically, not just because I've entered a new decade at at 30 or whatever,
[00:49:24] Uri Schneider: happy birthday. Welcome to the next chapter. Yeah. Hey, I finished that chapter. It's a great one. I'm excited for it. And the best is yet to come.
[00:49:31] Dennis: I'm excited for it. Even if you didn't say those kind words, you know. How about now, words of encouragement?
How about now? I, I still feel great. How about even better? I, I, I feel I was hoping
[00:49:39] Uri Schneider: I would inject you with even more. Like, you, you, you know, I look at you, at, you look at us. I'm saying that Denny Eddie, this is you at 30.
[00:49:47] Dennis: Can you imagine 31? You can't, I, I was gonna say like, you can't make me more excited.
Um, I think I can. You, you can, but I think it speaks to the, you, you can make me more outwardly excited. Okay. But inwardly, I've started to say something. Over the past year, six months, and I think mantras, it goes back to the mantra thing, but it's just saying things out loud. Maybe even manifesting some people might call things manifesting things.
I say I'm in paradise. When people ask me how, how I am where I am, what am I doing? I'm a paradise. How can I not be? I have an 8-year-old Dennis who is looking up to 30-year-old Dennis. What's better than that? But then what makes that is Jobs awesome. Romantics Life is amazing. Professional life is great.
Podcasts with people like yourself. Getting out into the stuttering community, which is something that I've always been a part of, but have never been. As involved as I have been in the past month, and it's feels amazing. The people, person in me is being touched in a way that it's never been in my life and I'm oxygen, I'm, I'm customer facing in, in my job.
I'm people facing in my job. I, I really try and keep, it's all about the people. Even though I work on semiconductors with high level numbers and, and equipment and really quantum physics, you're trying to understand, I really do go back to the people. So the people aspect of this, this part of my journey has been absolutely, absolutely incredible.
And I think it goes, you know, again, um, all about yeah, I, I'm in paradise and, and what I mean, and that's exactly what I mean by that. It's, it's a state of being. It's not, it's a state of being and it's a journey. You know, you, you, you can't, you can't just say that it's all about the journey or it's all about the destination.
I think it's, I. Really everything. It's, it's everything. It's all about the experience.
[00:51:47] Uri Schneider: Challenge the mantra for a second. 'cause I think mantras have to be like truisms that are as true today as they were yesterday. As they will be tomorrow. Which by the way is a little hint to get back to Happy Gilmore.
Good to, uh, to today Junior. Uh, but um, yeah, the mantra of I'm in Paradise, like, what if things hit the fan? Like what if the romantic relationship disappears? What if the job is hell every day? It's a grind. What about people who don't have a job, who are staring at a wall and feeling like, especially in the times we're living in, like they are very qualified and because of circumstances, they've lost their job and things are hard, and like paying the bills is hard and stress is high.
Would you feel like that mantra still fits? And how would you, how do you deal with it? Because I'm sure things are not always peachy.
[00:52:35] Dennis: No, and that's why I say, that's why I started with, as I said, it is, you have to say it. Out loud because it is not always paradise. It is not always paradise at all. Are you kidding me?
We, there are days that are, forget about it. Forget about it. We're not in Brooklyn, but forget about it. We, I go through things every day, struggle with my disfluency. When, when I order that cup of coffee and I stuttered up a storm, is that paradise? No. No, it's not. If I have that rough meeting at work, I had that disagreement with my partner.
Feel distant from my friends. That's not paradise. I say I'm in paradise. Yeah. But I miss my family who's still on Long Island. I, I really don't have that strong network down there. My sister just, just moved down. But, so it's, you have to, everything's contextual. I think is what, what I would really wanna say about that statement.
Awesome. It's very contextual because paradise for, and then it's contextual and individual paradise for somebody is not paradise for everybody. The, the, the person who loves, loves Manhattan, loves the city, loves that vibe. That's their paradise. It's not my paradise. Quick
[00:53:58] Uri Schneider: transition, please. I remember showing up to parties as a kid, um, and I once showed up thoroughly underdressed.
It was very uncomfortable. It was a place I really wanted to go, thought it was awesome, and I thought this was a casual situation and let's just say it was quite the opposite. Mm. Mm-hmm. I kind of felt like Adam Sandler.
So you feeling me? I do. I, I I do. And, and it's part of the nice thing is today I knew I didn't, we didn't need to do an explicit check on the dress code. I just knew you'd come as you were.
[00:54:32] Dennis: Yeah.
[00:54:33] Uri Schneider: I would come as I am. I didn't think you'd be overdressed or underdressed. You'd just be perfect.
[00:54:38] Dennis: This was one of those things, meeting myself where I was, because I was a little stressed out about dress code, et cetera.
I came, I packed in a backpack for six days. That's it. And I have two laptops, notes, all of these things. So I didn't pack a lot of clothes and it doesn't smell too bad that that's, that's a phenomenal, it's doable. That's, that's great. I, your hair looks great. I spread a lot of ax and this is, this is even hair wash day, so I, I, I have to actually have to wash, wash my hair.
So, so thank you very much. Low humidity helps. It does. And you know, the, the, the baby powder trick helps too. We digress. We all, I mean, I'll digress here six ways to Sunday, all day, every day. But the one thing I, I do reflect on and, you know, I. Touched upon like milestones and how milestones have been important to me.
Um, one of the mile, like the bit, bit of an ironic milestone, and we have to come back to this 'cause we've mentioned Billy Madison now a bunch of times we swear we're not advertising for it, but, but the sequel's coming, the sequel is coming. Um, Adam hit me up. Um, but I was reading in high school. What age were in High school?
High school? Uh, 11th grade. It was the start. It was 11th grade. Yeah, it was the start of this, of the year, maybe two or three days in. So the teacher is getting acquainted with the class and I'm getting acquainted with the class and everybody is, you know, obviously getting acquainted with everybody else in the class.
And two of my best, best friends, long time, sixth grade, you know, I, I still know them both. Uh, to this day. We keep up every week, you know, all this stuff. One of them is in fact, uh, Sam's brother-in-law, so he actually introduced us. So huge, huge support system. Huge, huge, uh. Group of friends in my life and two of them were in my English class obviously.
No, I stuttered. I say obviously, because again, we were friends since the sixth grade and at that time I was still practicing, uh, with my fluency toolbox and still kind of working on all the different mindfulness elements that we've, we've talked about. Um, so I was a little less fluent than I am today. So it was obvious disclosure.
[00:56:48] Uri Schneider: Can we get a metric on that? Like how fluent would you describe you are today? I would say I am. So if a 10 was like, total flow. Thank you. Yeah. And one was like Colorado Rapids total flow or actually full stop. Oh. Or like Hoover Dam, right? Hoover Dam, yeah. Um, about an
[00:57:06] Dennis: eight.
[00:57:07] Uri Schneider: Today's an eight. I'm about an eight.
'cause that's interesting. 'cause on the outside, I don't know if people would perceive the same. It's interesting, we could, we could do some, uh, interesting things with that. The idea of like calibrating and that the relevance and the, and the validity of the metric on the outside is not the same as the metric on the inside.
And so you could say it's an eight. That doesn't mean that matches the acoustic signal on the outside or what the listener would perceive. They're both valid. So I find it helpful to separate the two also. But let's say you call this an eight, what was, what was 8-year-old or high school, Dennis, in that moment
[00:57:41] Dennis: especially, I would say a five or a six.
Okay. Just so we have a little bit of a anchor. Just a five or a six. I would say about 50% fluent. Not Hoover Dam, but like low level rapids. Yeah. Yeah. You're, you're, yeah. Low, low level wax. You should wear a helmet. The metaphor, if you're going down on those, on those rapids, yeah, exactly. Exactly. I think think that's a great, great, great way to say it.
So I was reading to the class in that popcorn kind of situation. I don't know whether, probably wasn't popcorn by high school time, but, and. I wasn't super, you know, um, worried if, if you could say, I don't remember being very worried in that moment. But I had a stutter and it was, my stutter is usually blocks.
Um, I find individual anecdote, but this one was a repetition it, so it was a very Billy Madison to, to to, to today junior kind of thing. And my friend from across the room. So it made it even more dramatic. Hit me as I'm reading. I had a stutter. And in the silence, he timed it perfectly. He should have been a comedian, I think, but he hit me with the, to, to, to, to today junior.
And I didn't even assess the room, didn't read the reaction. I fell on the floor laughing. I fell on the floor laughing. I couldn't believe that. M that, that it was, it was almost a full circle moment. And I'll say it because I obviously, as a stutterer, struggled with it, struggled with the relationship, struggled with being the fact that I can't communicate and here I am one of my best friends.
I can reflect back. I'm 30 years old, I'm still friends with him. He brought that full circle. It was, it was comedic. It was comedic. And half the class that didn't know we were friends. My teacher being on that half mortified, mortified, and as they frankly should be, that's, that's if he didn't know me.
Unacceptable behavior in my opinion. But the half of the class that knew, and obviously my other friend also on the floor laughing and my teacher looked over at me, saw my reaction, that I was very okay with it. And then at that instant knew that we were friends. So it was. And actually we had a f phenomenal relationship, uh, the three of us and my teacher, uh, she invited us after we graduated, uh, to our house and, you know, to our son's graduation party, things like this.
So it was the start of a very good relationship and, uh, with my teacher and the continuation of one with my friends and kind of bolstered that it made an even more comfortable conversation partner, I think for that small group too. It was the ultimate disclosure. And I had, I have to acknowledge you have to stop and, and say that this is a very personal thing because they are, man, that's, like I said, outta context, it's unacceptable in my opinion.
Right. If it was just, 'cause I've dealt with bullying throughout my life and, and that is a, that is bullying taken outta context. So somebody took that soundbite from this podcast and said that. But in fact for me, because he was such a good friend of mine, because we've built that rapport and I knew him and he knew me, that that was actually a
[01:01:08] Uri Schneider: full
[01:01:08] Dennis: circle moment.
[01:01:09] Uri Schneider: I think what's cool about it, as you said, nobody should take the license to do that without consent. Uh, you know, someone else is in a block, throw in like some, uh, t today, junior. Don't do that. Totally, totally not to be done. Don't do that. But as you tell it and as you feel it, it, I think what might have been happening if I like, could observe and you tell me how much this you resonate with this is like, you were so busy, busy being vigilant and bearing the burden, and bearing the responsibility of keeping this thing under wraps and in control.
And in that moment suddenly it was lifted off of you. Like it was just open. It was no longer your responsibility to keep this hidden because your good buddy just named it like, this is what's up. We can laugh about it, and it's a
[01:01:55] Dennis: lighter moment. Yeah, and, and I think that you hit it spot on, spot on re because to this day he's still just a jokester, wants to make light of the situation.
That's what I love about him and that's what I, what I appreciated in that moment, a hundred percent. It wasn't, it took the burden off me to disclose it took the burden off me to to, to be vigilant and open up. And open up. Absolutely. At that point, I was kind of in that gray area of that buttoned up dentist.
[01:02:23] Uri Schneider: Mm.
[01:02:24] Dennis: As an 8-year-old. And the dentist, you see, you know, here now, who's gonna, you know, hopefully hop on a plane and hopefully it's still nice weather and I can maybe get out on the surfboard as soon as we get home. Well, I'm looking, and I
[01:02:35] Uri Schneider: think this is the full circle moment also, so you don't miss your flight.
Well, and we got to the Billy Madison story. We did, we did. That was,
[01:02:41] Dennis: I think that was an anchor, an unintended anchor
[01:02:43] Uri Schneider: in the conversation. So, two, like a closing thought, what would you tell your eight year olds, uh, 8-year-old Dennis, or 12-year-old Dennis, what would you tell your younger self
[01:02:53] Dennis: In a nutshell, and I'm gonna keep it in a nutshell because we've meandered quite frequently, uh, throughout this conversation.
Relax. That's what I would tell him. Just relax. Nothing is as big of a deal as you are perceiving it to be in this moment, at this time. If you can just be with yourself and meet yourself where you are in every sense of that word, that phrase, you will be sitting down on a couch across from a speech language pathologist doing a podcast after giving a talk to a room full of people who probably are gonna be the hot, you know, most acute listeners to you and your speech, and the fact that through your sales training and through your Toastmasters training, less than 15% of how you perceive speech and communication and language is the actual spoken word.
So don't worry about a little disfluency, just relax and meet yourself where you are. That's what I wish 30-year-old Dennis could have told. Eight, 8-year-old Dennis. Wow. It's been a great conversation. Thanks for coming out. Hey, thanks for having me. And I appreciate everything that you, that your dad has done.
You have done. And I want this to be the start of a phenomenal relationship and a great connection, not just from a speech language pathology point of view, but but from a kindred spirit point of view.
[01:04:38] Uri Schneider: I told you, we're just getting warmed up. We're just getting started, my friend. This is yet
[01:04:40] Dennis: to come.
We're just getting started. I love it. This is yet to come. Awesome, Uri, thank you so much.
[01:04:46] Uri Schneider: I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, share it with a friend, and if you wanna get more tips and follow us for more insights, check out transcendingx.com/email And remember, keep talking.