#19 John Clausing, Ironman
“Success isn’t perfection; success is getting to a point where you are happy with the outcome”
BIO
I have had a stutter my entire life. I battled it many times, winning some and losing others. Ultimately I have won and it helped me achieve where I am today. I graduated with two degrees (B.S. and M.S.A) from Babson College in Accounting. I am currently an Accounting and Audit at Accenture. All of my spare time (and then some) is spent training for my next Ironman triathlon.
Listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts or your favorite podcast platform. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
HIGHLIGHTS
0:00 - 6:40 Intro
6:40 - 8:18 Playing poker
8:18 - 14:43 Working with his father
14:43 - 17:49 Relationships in speech therapy
17:49 - 20:48 John’s role model
20:48 - 24:52 Word choice matters
24:52 - 29:50 Roles of wisdom
29:50 - 33:14 Analogies
33:14 - 35:47 Have I lost touch?
35:47 - 44:17 Central Park
44:17 - 50:47 Benefits of training
50:47 - 53:36 Finding success
MORE QUOTES
“The parents are the ones that are invested, the young person is disinterested. You need to go at the pace and align with the stage of the person in the process. And then of course, the personality of the person. - Uri Schneider
TRANSCRIPTION
Uri Schneider: good morning everybody. It's an amazing day and we have an amazing special guest. Um, these conversations are super special. My name's Ru Schneider, Schneider speech. You can see this video now. You can see it later and all the other conversations.
You can go to the feed at Schneider's speech, go down to the video. You can pop over to our website, schneider speech.com. Go to the blog page Within about a day or two, our team will have it up there. Um, you may or may not know our guest today. Uh, his name's John Clausing. John Clausing is a, uh, more of a legend than he probably knows in our family.
Um, my father talks about him all the time and, uh, there are many lessons that he has taught us. Uh, and in the workshops and lectures that we give around the. Very often, including later today when I'll be lecturing, guest lecturing at one of the universities in the graduate program for the course in stuttering.
I'll be sharing one of the lessons that John taught, which is important for, for speech therapists to know you're not the boss to position, to position yourself as such, and John almost doesn't remember it. I tried to find the video. There is a video of him saying, I promise, but there's so much more to the story.
But, um, I'm gonna let John do his own intro and then I'll kind of back us into it. But, uh, just to realize, John is a person who stutters. He's been on an amazing life journey. Uh, today. He's happily married, he's an accountant, successful professional, and he's also a newly married within the past year. So congratulations almost at your first anniversary.
Yep. That is the most important title you can have to. Faithful partner to another person. And to be connected in that way is, is an amazing and special place to be. So above all that, and then you're also an accomplished triathlete. Yep. And that's a big part of your life. So it's great to have you, you know, tell us a little bit about yourself, what you are most proud of, and, and we can take it from
John Clausing: there.
Yep. Um, as you heard, I am John. Good pausing. Um, I've been working with, um, Schneider speech since I was about in fifth grade, so that was 2001, so it's been about almost 20 years at this point, which is just incredible. Um, as you heard, I'm in. . I am an finance and accounting professional. Um, I am at Accenture at this point.
Um, I started my career at ERNs, at Ernst and Young as in auditor. Um, I am, um, AED and we are coming up on our one year anniversary. We had plans of, um, celebrating that over in. over in Italy, in Greece. Unfortunately that isn't happening. Um, thing you also heard is that I am a triathlete. I was actually, um, signed up for, and scheduled to participate in a full iron, um, and triathlon in.
Emily as part of that. So, um, I, I was still keeping up with all of the training and everything this past summer in the hope that it happened, but obviously that didn't happen as well. Um, I'm very excited to, um, be here and have this conversation.
Uri Schneider: Thank you. Thanks for taking the time. I mean, uh, it was a long time in the coming, uh, you were one of the first people I thought of because you're such a legend in our.
Um, and then, you know, coordinating with your schedule and fitting it into your training, you know, not easy. So, um, let's go backwards. Let's, let's maybe I'll tell you the story that, that is frequently told, and this is like fourth hand, so you'll correct me or I'm sure there are different versions of the story.
Um, I recently listened to an amazing Ted Talk that opened up my mind specifically with everything going on in the. , um, attuning ourselves to the stories of, of different people, specifically black people. So there are a couple blogs on our, on our blog, three blog posts that we posted much earlier this year.
And I included this Ted Talk. And the Ted talk was by a woman who's, um, I forget if she writes poetry or she writes books. She's from Nigeria. And her point was the, uh, single story that when people have one. , it's only half the story, but the truth is gathered through multiplicity of stories and different perspectives.
So she herself told the story how she gets to Chicago and the head of the literature Department of African literature tells her that her story is not authentic African literature, even though she grew up and tells the story of her life growing up in Nigeria. This white man who's the chair of the department says, That's not the story that we tell about African literature.
So stories can be, you know, woven in many different ways. But the story that I, that I love, and it's a story of your greatness, John, and your strength and your stubbornness and my father's wisdom and your parents' patience. This is the way it's woven is, um, your, were gonna be relocating. And one of the primary things they were thinking about was how do we take care of, you know, John, he's got this thing with his speech.
Find. Okay, well the best person they want to go to in the area is Dr. Phil Schneider. And, um, you know, choose everything down to, you know, being within striking distance of this office and a lot of decisions made around kind of making sure this would be a part of the causing lifestyle. You know, being able to commute in and out of Riverdale in the Bronx to see this, this guru, Dr.
Phil Schneider. Now, you had never met him yet, and, and, and Littlejohn hadn't signed on for this, this was all his parents doing to my. and, uh, come to the first meeting and, and, uh, you know, John isn't having any of it, you know, he's like sitting there like this or something, and, and so the parents are like, okay, like a lot went into this.
Let's go. And my dad says, you know, like, all right, well it doesn't look like you necessarily wanna, it's up to you. Uh, invite your parents in if you wanna come in, you can't, you wanna stay out there, that's fine. And what ensued was, uh, the relationship you developed with my dad? , but he tells that eventually you came in, you were ready to play chess.
So you played chess.
John Clausing: We actually, so I'm, I'm gonna hop in there. Yeah, we jump in. Um, it, it wasn't chess. I think we started playing poker. ,
Uri Schneider: maybe he cleaned this up. Yeah. . So, so John is playing poker. Okay. Yes. All right. And then it's. a few minutes into this still playing poker. Okay. And then it's like, all right, do you schedule another appointment?
And, and, and family's like, yeah, well, you know, this is, we've, we've put a lot on this, you know, this is important to us. And whatever number of meetings it was, whether it was like four or 40, you know, playing poker because John was ready to play poker, you know? Yeah. I, I guess enjoy wiping the floor with my dad, cuz to my knowledge, my dad is not a great poker.
But, um, he, he emotes a lot. Um, whereas John is much more professional, you know, poker face. So, long story short, my dad said, uh, um, John's dad, something along the lines, just wanna let you know what's going on in here. Like, basically just playing poker and, you know, I'm happy to play poker, but you know, I don't know what you're expecting and what you're paying for.
And legend goes, and I'm sure this is the other side of the story, it would be interest. that your dad said something like, well, if that's what John's ready to ante in, if that's what he's ready to put on the table mm-hmm. , build that relationship there and let's see where it goes. But give it the time that John needs to go where he is ready to go and not push him to places he's not ready to go.
And then with that attitude, that's the way the story goes. That you built his relationship with my dad. Is that 90%?
John Clausing: Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna please jump in, hop in here and um, smooth it out of Tad. Overall, that is it. Um, yeah, the first experience in your dad's office was not pleasant. Um, , I was, so, I was in fifth grade.
I had just been, um, um, moved about a thousand, um, aisles from home and all the friends and being comfortable and especially having a stutter, like being comfortable around people. Is so important cuz like then you aren't as self-conscious about it. And like I, I had friends I knew if I called a friend's house, anyone that answered the phone there knew who I was without me even having to introduce myself.
So like that, it was just, I had all those easy things figured out even at a young age that then I felt like my whole life was being uprooted. And so then on top of that, every Sunday at. 8:00 AM we have to hop in the, we have to hop in a car and drive the hour into this city for each therapy, which I was never that big of a fan of.
Um, so I was just ver I was, I just, Was very opposed to a whole thing. So yeah, that, that first experience in your dad's office was just not fun at all. Um, but we continued. So I, I, I think I interrupted you and I think you were right that first time we probably did play something that your dad already had in his office.
Um, I. Picture it all. And in the, um, back here in the sliding closet, he had all these, um, games and everything. And so we probably did pull something out of there and played that the first time. Um, but after I comment to you, there were no poker chips. Yeah, no. Um, but then after that, I think I started to. So after that first session, we for sure scheduled still like a session almost every Sunday after that.
And I think I started to bring a deck of cards and that's where we started playing poker. And it was probably for a good five to eight sessions or so where we just sat there. and, um, played cards and chatted, and your dad would try to sprinkle in very small things of speech therapy here and there, but like, it was really just building that relationship and hadn't truly thought about this in a while.
But to be given that opportunity from having. Patience on your dad's side and the patience on my parent's side to be like, this is already a really difficult thing for a child to handle. Just having a stutter. You're throwing them into a new environment with a new person, and they're just uncomfortable with everything.
Being able to take that time to. Build up that relationship and make it feel like it's a place where the child is comfortable and safe was huge because what ended up happening is
in our first real session of speech therapy I had, when we had gotten in the car that Sunday, I had forgotten the deck of cards. and that was when we like actually started to talk about speech and having a stutter. And I think, I don't know if that was the first time the video camera also came out or not.
I don't know if I was at that point of comfort yet. Um, but that was when our whole journey, I, I feel like shifted from. Being friends to like friends. And now we were actually putting in, um, speech therapy work.
Uri Schneider: You, you just said something so profound. I'm crying. First of all, if you're just jumping in, this is John Clausing awesome, awesome guy.
Um, and really, really appreciate him taking the time, uh, from work and from life and triathlon training to be with us this morning and cheer open. . Um, both really excited about this. Um, and he's sharing about his experiences working with my father, uh, starting when he was in fifth grade. Um, you said, cause only my father says the word you used.
My father says he doesn't like to talk about the people he works with as patients. Cause they're not sick. He doesn't like to talk about them as clients because it's more than a business relationship. He likes to talk about them as his friends. Now, if you know my dad that. No one else could say as a professional adult that the people they work with are their friends, especially if they're minors.
But you used the word, and we didn't even talk about that. You said we weren't just friends. That's when it became, you know, some speech therapy added on to that. But, but you really framed it as first we became friends. Yeah. And I think if you could just expand on that cuz like, I think a lot of people, parents, young people, and certainly profess.
They wonder when they start off playing poker. One session, two sessions, three sessions. This isn't a speech therapy. What am I paying for? Get to work? Or, you know, this is not, I'm, I'm not justifying the time that I'm taking money for this, whether the government's paying me or the private insurance. I think if you could just expand on that, cuz obviously what you just said was that was, that was the foundation that you needed and then speech therapy needed to be built on that.
It couldn't be therapy Speech. Therapy first friends. So, yeah, what can you share
John Clausing: about that? Yeah, I, I, I think it comes down to like having a re having a relationship where you don't feel like one person is in a, like a higher position than the other. And kind of in authority figure, like, um, children especially have that in, in every instance with their, um, parent with, um, teachers with.
Other odd alts, like there's that constant, like the child feels like there's always an authority figure over them. Um, and, but at the same time, thinking back on it in like school, the best relationships I had with teachers is when they treated us as equals and they like gave us the opportunity to like ex explore ourselves.
And so I feel like especially in speech therapy where it's a vomit. Everything, and it's really up to the child to put in the effort for it. If you don't have that, um, relationship first as equals, then if you have a, a stubborn child and I was very stubborn and in hardheaded, then like there's not going to be any.
Internal motivation for them to put him any effort. Um, and I think that's what your dad kind of saw at first is like, he's like, if I, if I want to get through to this kid here, I'm gonna have to at a stage where he feels comfortable and he, you know, He's in charge. And that, um, brings us back to the first point that you said on that is that the in speech therapy, the patient is who's in charge.
Cuz like, it's really up to them and how hard they, um, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Work. It's, it's, it's, it's even different than in like sports where that's like a, like a purely physical exertion, you know? And like you can, and you're doing that with other people and you're like doing that in competition and speech therapy.
It, it is a physical thing as it's speaking, but it's a, it's also, it's a lot of concentration. Um, and concentration and, and anticipation and controlling your body in a different way where it's slowing it down instead of in sports where you're always like trying to speed it up. Mm-hmm. , um, I kind of lost my, you know, thought here, but thing
Uri Schneider: about the, that the importance specifically in a speech therapy relationship mm-hmm.
outside is to recognize that the patient
John Clausing: Yes. Is, um, is that the patient is. Boss because like it's really purely up to them to put in that effort to, um, get any, um, benefit out of it. So you should know
Uri Schneider: John, and if you're listening, you're, you're in the presence of someone with great, um, really, really one of the most articulate people I enjoy listening to.
Um, John is so darn articulate and, uh, such a wonderful communicator. and I think that's apparent. And I, and I want that to be striking to people, that in the presence of a stutter, the, the truth and the power and the authenticity and the word choice and just delivering can be so sterling and so prominent that that fluency and other things, articulation difference, can fall into the back.
when the content is, is deliberate and the content is intentional, amazing things happen. And I think John is just such a representation and manifestation of that and a role model for that. But John, what you don't know is that currently every meeting that I have with a new family, every meeting that we have at the team starts with the following.
And I say to the parents, in the presence of the kid, she goes, this is not an evaluation. Like, we're not here to evaluate you. You're here to interview us and decide if you wanna hire. The highlight will be the day that you fire us. Like we're gonna start this relationship with the end in mind, which is, you're coming because you weren't able to figure something out on your own.
Mm-hmm. , you're looking for a little bit of guidance. Uh, you're looking for a guide. Ultimately, you're gonna be the hero. It's your race to run. It's your life to live. We're here just to give you some experience, some perspective, a shoulder to lean on, uh, a sounding board to talk off. But look, you're the.
you give us the job. The conversation today of looking at the goals, that's our job description, and I look forward to the day you give us a pink slip and you fire us because you no longer are dependent. You become independent. You've got what you need, and whether that means the physical trait you came with is still present to some degree or it's not, we hope you fire us because you've got the decision and the wherewithal and the confidence to run it on your own.
as you said, we'll stay friends and you might invite us to your wedding or you might go out for pizza, which you can talk about how my dad and you have stayed in touch in his incredible way. But, uh, that's the way we introduce every, uh, new engagement. I still haven't figured out the right word cause people don't know what I mean when I say a consultation.
It's my dad's word. Uh, people don't realize we, we just don't like the word evaluation cuz there's more of the client or the person. Yeah. Signing us. Then we are sizing them up. So just wanted you to know you, you've really shaped that first impression for so many young people. It starts off like that, and it's a total paradigm shift from who's the authority and who's the, who's the one in the microscope, you know, who's looking in and under the, under the sample there, under the slide.
So, uh, that's all you. ,
John Clausing: thanks. Yeah. And, and you, uh, said something there that I, I just want to enforce that I think that I just thought sounded great is, yeah, if, if you use the word an value ation, that also brings on a really strong negative connotation that there's something wrong. And like even if the child isn't picking up on everything, like.
they at least are hearing that and being like, all right, there's something wrong that like, we have to like come in here and find out like what exact like, are, are you checking these four out of five things? So we then take this, um, approach at it. And it's not that because like if there's not a one-off off or there's not like a single approach to every child out there that you can do like with.
Me, for example, like it had to start out very slow. I wasn't eager to start into the therapy. Other kids at different ages though, could have hit their aching point where they're like, I, I. Need to have help and I'm all in, and they wanna go into a, uh, in intensive program or get involved in the, um, face-to-face and the phone calls and doing everything.
So, yeah. No, I, I, I think calling it a consultation or something else is a meeting. Very smooth meeting. Exactly. It's a, um, eating, it's a info session. , I don't know. It's, yeah.
Uri Schneider: Formative. Get together. Yeah. But then, anyway, yeah. Find the wording. But what you're saying is so important, right? Word choice matters.
And there are words that carry weight. There are words that attract, that are words that repel. And then there are words that are very neutral and, and being careful of words like evaluation is a hot word. Yeah. I mean, person is somehow sizing me up. And who wants to be size? . Whereas if you say it's gonna be a coaching session, what would you like to get better at?
Mm-hmm. , I'm not saying what we should call it, but these are all different ways to spin it. So parents thinking about how to talk to kids about, you know, a first meeting, I think John's wisdom is, is well, uh, taken. You know, don't set the kid up to feel like he's walking in to be sized up. Set it up with your list of questions, what the kiddo wants to know about this person or doesn't wanna know, and what he's ready to do, what he's not ready to do.
And if you come in with your. and you tell the therapist, well, here's what John told us to tell you. You know, these are the things he wants us to share, and these are the things he's ready to do. It's a whole different level of being an advocate for your kid as opposed to somehow like passing your kid over to be assessed.
Mm-hmm. . So, and the right, and the other thing John said, which I can't emphasize enough, John talked about depending what stage the person's at, uh, so if they're at a point where they wanna be, Things can start and get much more direct sooner. But if they're at a stage where they had nothing to do with this, they're disinterested.
The parents are the ones that are invested, the young person is disinterested. You need to go at the pace and, and kind of align with the stage of the person in the process. And then of course, the personality of the person, John being who he is, he's got plenty to say, he's gonna say it when he wants to.
You're not gonna, you're not gonna push this guy. and there are other people, you know, they'll jump through hoops if you do the right thing or put the right incentives out there. So, so I'm big on figuring out the temperament of the person, young person or adult, and the stage in their journey. And based on that, the parents and whoever they bring on board can kind of try to align with that.
Those are the two parameters I think is so important. Um, can you share with us the highlights, things that stood out in the work and in the relationship over the years with my dad and then we'll get into, the real life ups and downs of Yeah. Of being a guy who stutters and employment and dating and marriage and living.
And then we'll get to the triathlon stuff. Cause I think there's a lot there, but Yes. Um, girls of wisdom I always get, I always love to listen
John Clausing: about. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. So, yeah, as I said, so I, I started with your dad in fifth grade and we were pretty. It was a pretty routine thing up, up, up until high school.
Um, and off and on there. I know I, I had some additional own practice as well. I think that two of us had a couple youth. Hears or so of those evening phone calls, and I know I was not a great student in those, those were just always an added thing that I, I was still a tad, um, apprehensive towards. Um, but just the amount of you, the, the biggest thing I, I got from your dad is just.
The sense of if I wanted to be, I could be in control. Um, he was, he was really the first one who, instead of some of the other techniques out there, like Bubba bouncing into a word or stretching it out, um, he was the first, you have to do some of those. I, I was just, um, sure. Hoeing them there. I, I don't truly, yeah.
Uri Schneider: My point was that you know them and you're suggesting that those are in your, your warehouse. Mm-hmm. choosing to say, like, among those, Dr. Phil, my father was the first one that
John Clausing: kind of Yeah, he was, he was the first one to more. So, talk about your volume and your cadence. Energy levels and just in kind of the type a, um, brain that I have, that just to me made a lot more sense.
And it was a much more, um,
it was a much more tangible thing that I was able to see that when I talked like this. I could really be in complete control of everything and it kind of showed me, and we would practice this on camera as well, where I would, we'd be talking and practicing and I would say something, but in this voice, cuz in this voice, it allowed me to really focus on my words and it kind of pulls the.
Extra thoughts about avoiding interruptions or dealing with interruptions out of it. Um, and so it was kind of finding that gear, and I'll talk about that analogy in a second cuz that was just always fun. But it was finding that year to know that if I ever needed. I could really drop that volume, drop that energy, and get to a place where I felt comfortable and could kind of get the car back on the road.
Um, your dad and I always had car allergies. Um, I, I was always interested in. Cars and everything. And your dad would always bring up this like 1960s Evan, um, sports car he had with this hu Yeah, with this huge engine in it and the tires on the back, and it was a manual and he would just always talk about that, but it was the.
Manual cure boxing, the car that we actually talked about, and if anyone has ever driven a stick shift, you know that when you're shifting and switching between the clutch and the gas, if you don't hit that just right, it won't cause the car to. either, um, jump or it'll sound funny. And it was a, it was a, a really great analogy for a stutter that there's all these moving pieces that you have to be in control of, and you should be.
And if you want to be in control, you can try certain things to make it easier on yourself, but to avoid that, Jumping or the, or that you're grinding, it's gotta be a nice, smooth process.
Uri Schneider: That analogy is very powerful. And, uh, my, my father, I think one of the other things is, and you'll see this in the, in the online course that we just created, which you could see on schneider's speech.com on the home.
and the group therapy that we built around that, which we were launching at the beginning of October for teens, teen group therapy, eight week therapy experience, and then an adult group. Those analogies that you just mentioned are, are baked into that. And I think coming up with analogies, different people relate to different things.
So for John, cars made sense. Cars were interesting. Yeah. Tell me about my voice. I might not be so interested and I actually might get a little defense. , um, tell me about butterflies and turtles. Uh, thank you. No, thank you. That's not, not my space, but if you're, you know, if you're a seven year old girl and unicorns are your thing, or you're a seven year old boy and baking is your thing, whatever your thing is using, uh, the other person's perspective, the other person's interests and, and taking.
Delicate topic, this emotional topic and creating understanding through the lens or through the point of leverage of something familiar and exciting and cool, um, is really powerful. I have two, I have two boys. One of them is, uh, more excited, has more impulsivity, has more verbal ability, has more just natural social drive to be more of an extrovert and more connected in that.
and I have another son who's equally awesome in the opposite complexion of features and attributes. Very deliberate, very strong, very determined. Works like an ox. Um, moves mountains creative beyond belief. And they compliment each other, but they often struggle. And you know, they used to argue. And so earlier on I took them aside and each of them separately, I said, look, you are a Ferrari and your brother is a.
and there's a time that a Ferrari's awesome. You know, if you're on the Audubon and you got the open road, like let it rip. It wouldn't be fun to have a tank like you can really do some great stuff. If you're in downtown financial district, Manhattan, or on the Loop in Chicago, the Ferrari's a bit of a liability.
It's not so fun to drive in traffic. It's dangerous cuz the thing accelerates way too fast. You're gonna have trouble with parallel parking, et cetera. If you're a tank. There are places where that's a huge asset. You can literally break through mountain. Forget about the curb, forget about the other guy's car.
Mm-hmm. , you know, you're strong and you are solid and you know, uh, horsepower, et cetera. But, um, in that way you kind of neutralize and make it make sense in the child's world. So I think when it comes to speech and stuttering, you're saying John is, the analogy was powerful. The other thing about analogy, it takes away judgment.
Mm-hmm. , it's much more descriptive as opposed to here's where you are. , here's where you don't work. Right? An analogy becomes more of like describing phenomenon that occur in nature or occur in physics or whatever. Mm-hmm. . Um, what else stands out? So the, the analogy, the permission to choose when you wanted to, to know that when you wanted to, that option was available to you, but you didn't have to.
All we 24 7 do it that way. Uh, the analogy, what else stands out?
John Clausing: What else stands out? Um,
Uri Schneider: Since you stopped. Yeah. I'm thinking of like, since you kind of stopped having those regular meetings. Yeah. Have you lost
John Clausing: touch? Um, have I lost touch? Haven't lost touch with your father at all? No. Um, that was something that he was very, very, um, Adam, Adam a about that he wanted to. Keep that friendship going.
I, I'm more of an in avert. Um, so I, I don't really reach out to other people. I see it all as, like, I see everything as a hassle. So I was very excited when he, he would ask me like, if you're ever, um, back at home like, um, home on a college break or something, and you want to come in and have. And have a chat like outside of a session.
So I was always excited about that. Um, so almost, it was probably two or three times a year throughout college. Um, I would drive into the city, um, and instead of going into your dad's office, , he had always talked about how he'd go. Um, he had always talked about how he'd go older blading through Central Park.
Um, and I had played hockey early on, um, and I was playing hockey in, in the first couple of years of our session. So that was also a commonality for us to just talk about aiding and everything. So, um, I would actually come home. Pick your, um, um, add up at his home and we'd drive to Central Park and go on a skate.
Um, and that was just always a really powerful thing that's just continued that friendship. Um, and we, we would have very open convers conversations. Um, just talk about life and. Relationships, um, and everything. And I always valued those a lot. Um, as the, as years as, yeah, go ahead.
Uri Schneider: The, as did he. That's all.
I, I I mouthed the word Central Park because before you said it, I knew that. Because, you know, talk about, oh, today I would love to X, Y, Z, and anytime we needed, and he's still this way today. He's always showing up. Yeah. That's his gift. But, uh, if it didn't necessitate like shifting things, he would say, well, I have plans to meet up with, uh, one of my friends and then, you know, say John or whatever, and was like, that was very important to me.
He'd come back and say how, how wonderful it was for him and it was very, you know, reciprocal.
John Clausing: Yeah. Um, and so then as it continued on, then we kind of. Put, um, the, um, suck, aiding on hold, and I would just pick 'em up and we'd, um, park in the area and we'd go, um, into just a, a different part of the, um, neighborhood where all the huge homes are and everything.
And, and, and, and to caveat. All of this. This was at like 5:00 AM Um, it was always very early on because your, um, dad always had a busy schedule. I was, I'm always up early and I had other things planned at home cuz I would, I'd only be home for 48 hours or so. So I was trying to pack it all and as well, and it just helped in getting in and out of the city turn, turned it into an under an hour.
Under an hour. Hi. So I, I'd come and pick him up at 5:00 AM We'd go on a, um, walk through the neighborhood and then hop off in abo in a Umar box and grab a cup, a cup of coffee, something. It's a weird, specific fact that I Reremember is your, Dad would always order a small coffee in a, in a medium cup EDM cup.
And I just never understood it, but like it was like that was his thing. Yeah. And like, and he was always just so, and just seeing him, I guess in public and interact with other people was also just a great, um, experience just to see that like he just exuded. He was just always happy to see other people.
It is. And, and, and it was, and it was just an, um, it was just, uh, an incredible thing that. I sometimes am, I, sometimes I won't act in that fashion. And then I always think I'm back to like, how would he handle that? Like, same situation I was just in and it's like, well, no, I, I should have, um, on this or that.
Um, the other thing off of this that I. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. To be sure to say is it started out on our eating, um, excursion, but then it also transferred into our neighborhood. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ox is your ad. Always says Good morning to every person he sees. And as I started training for a, um, Marathon.
And then for triathlons, I try to do the same exact thing. Um, especially with, um, training in Chicago on the, on, on the lakefront path, there's constantly hundreds of o other people out and I try to say hello or good, um, morning to every person just cause. . I'm excited to be out there. I'm happy to be outside and have that experience and like I, I wanna exude that positive energy out there towards other people.
Uri Schneider: Yeah. That's the, the, the small and a medium cup is, is, yeah. Is fact. He also refused to buy into the Starbucks language, forcing you to speak Italian size. Um, basically he just realized that if you get the medium cup, if you're gonna put a splash of milk in it, you may as well get the medium cup. So you get the full size small coffee and then top it off with the milk.
As opposed to you watch everybody order their coffee, they fill it to the top, they walk over to the station and pour off the top, like, what's that about? So that's what the small and the medium cup is all about, and I've acquired that, uh, trait, that habit. And the good morning thing, I'll tell you something amazing.
if you're not from New York. I mean, essentially John is not a New Yorker in his, you know, in his dna. Um, but in New York it's not so common to say good morning to everybody. Like it's extremely unusual, especially the culture of 5:00 AM walkers and 5:00 AM runners and bikers and horseback riding in Central Park.
There's a whole world that's 5:00 AM world that most of the rest of the world that wake up at nine don't get to. , even at six, you don't get to see it. Mm-hmm. The 5:00 AM world. So he and his buddy rabbi, a moist ray lift, have had this habit for decades of driving from the Bronx in Riverdale and driving down to Central Park and doing the loop, whether it's rollerblading walking, and they deliberately would, would go the opposite way.
So most people go this way, they go the other way and they go the other way to catch the faces of people who are kind of looking at the ground or kind of like just in their inner. and they deliberately say Good morning and they had a little game. If the person looked up and like gave you any response, that was one pointer.
If they actually responded or like you actually passed each other and they were like, Hey, good morning. Yeah, that's a two pointer. . At some point they got invited by like this very posh family from the Upper East side. They used to go horseback riding at that. . He invited my dad and, and his buddy and, and said, you know, we're having a party for a bunch of our horseback riding friends.
We wanna invite you guys. I go, why? Well, you're part of our like morning ritual, you know, the good morning and the rollerblading and let's just say, yeah, so our friends are coming to the ranch in Long Island or whatever, stable. And uh, we'd love to have you there. Our friends are all coming in their writing gear, so we thought you guys should come in your writing gear.
They're gonna come in. You know, equestrian horseback riding gear and boots and all done up. You guys come in your bell helmet and your yellow windbreaker and your roller blades. That's great. You fit right in. And, and it's just a testament to how far you can make an impact. The smile oh, with a good morning.
And, and thinking about you then taking that, and I can think of countless people that have taken that with them. It's, it's something my dad continues to do to this day, and I would say to everybody in a time, we're living distant. to recognize that, uh, if you're like John and you're more reserved, like once a week, think of someone that could use a, a message, whether it's an SMS text, whether it's a messaging, or whether it's an email or a phone call.
There are so many people today, a little reach out means so much more because of the scarcity of it. It's like the economy. of, uh, inflation and deflation. Suddenly just a, just a, a human connection with someone outside of the people you're living with every day is so much more valuable. Um, I don't wanna forget or miss the opportunity to touch into, you know, you kicking in and it sounds like my dad trained you for triathlons with, uh, 8:00 AM appointments on Sundays as a fifth grader and 5:00 AM get togethers.
So he put you on track and he did. So tell us a little bit about how you see the journey, the, the human experience. It's much more than just the physical athletic, and I, as a runner started running about seven years ago at the advice, uh, prescription of my rabbi. and, and mentor who said, listen, stress management and health and wellbeing, you're gonna do far more for your emotional and mental wellbeing and everything there and spiritual wellbeing than you are gonna do for your body.
But it's gonna be good for your body too. You need to start running. Mm-hmm. and I, mm-hmm. , I played ball twice a week. What, what do I need to do running for? Yeah. That's a story for another time. But I ended up, uh, thank God running. Half marathons, but, um, the experience of training, what does that mean to you and, and what's the, what's the totality of it and are there any benefits you bring into the rest of your life where it strictly stays there, you know, in the pool and on the bike and on the ride?
John Clausing: Yeah. Um, yeah, so, I mean, first off, I, I a hundred percent, I a hundred percent agree with the, um, with the, um, with the, um, benefit of any, like, sort of running or cycling or anything where it's not just the physical, um, um, benefit. Um, it's being able to like, really not have to focus on anything else. I, I'm, I find that the amount of, um, And toll, um, benefit I have there and just working through any thoughts I have in, um, my head.
Any, any heavier decisions I need to figure out that I feel a lot, I feel much more, um, energized and even, um, happier and confident after I return from. Hour to a three hour, um, bike ride or something. Um, just because I was able to process all of that mm-hmm. . Um, and so I, I, for sure, one, it helps in that aspect.
Two, it helps in, as we had talked about the, before this call started, and it really helps you set and achieve, set and achieve. Goals. Um, I personally am a huge fan of like having eight things I have to accomplish and being able to either check 'em off or cross them out and being able to like set an ultimate goal of running a half a, a marathon or a um, marathon or doing a triathlon.
Was, it's just always something I'm trying to find and, and achieve. Um, and so by being able to have individual like to, to, so to have the experience of to, to reigning for any of these events and like following a training program or even if you're doing it on your own every time you start. Workout is an opportunity for you to, um, bullshit and to try to see if you can achieve that goal.
Um, and so it just, it really helps in that kind of sense of, um, success I guess. And it's helped me redefine. View success. Um, I used to view success as if you did everything perfect. Um, having a stutter, you learn pretty well on. And this comes back into a point that your, um, dad and I actually talked about a lot is reto at the end of like a of, of.
Of a story he would always say. So like, how did that feel? And, and as a, um, ath, um, kind of, um, um, person, I would always throw a percentage on it. And it was always 90%, 95%. I think I hit all but three. Options that surfaced or something. And it was, and kind of through our sessions, it helped me become a little bit, um, more understanding that success isn't perfection.
Success is getting to a place where you are happy in, where you're happy with the. Come. Um, and then if, if you translate that back to, um, training for a triathlon, um, especially this past summer with, um, events being, um, pushed off or canceled. I was actually struggling a lot off and on in, in finding that, um, motivation.
Um, and then if I had a bad whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa workout or something, I was, I was consciously trying to find the positive pieces out of it. to help keep up that, um, motivation. And I think that trans, I think that comes back again to stuttering is you've gotta be able to think about all the instances when you were talking to someone where you did a great job.
Like I shouldn't be focusing on the one time where I got hung up for 30 seconds on a hard sound because. , that's not what the other person is thinking about after the conversation is right, is over, they're thinking about everything else. Um, so it's, it really just comes back to being grateful in what you were able to accomplish to a comp ish.
Um, and, and, and feeling. Good and who you are.
Uri Schneider: I wish. And hopefully we'll have another round of, uh, the conversation. There's so much to learn
John Clausing: from Johnny.
Uri Schneider: Yeah, definitely. You just shared, I just wanna reflect on that and then yeah. Um, wrap with one more piece for today and then round two coming up. God willing, um, what you said is so important, defining.
and very early on, right? Like I said, when you meet someone, when we meet someone, if you're a parent with a young person or you're a young adult or an adult, defining your goals, setting your sights on something, recognizing that success is not necessarily actualizing it a hundred percent, but making steps in the right direction.
Being on a path, being in that, in that direction, just having that orientation towards that goal and taking steps. And defining success by besting your best. Mm-hmm. , uh, setting goals are realistic. The worst thing we can do, we talked about this a before call, is, you know, setting on unrealistic expectations.
Yeah. The only thing worse than that, setting on unrealistic expectations for other people. . Yeah. So whether your kid or your spouse, or your parents or your colleagues or your whatever, um, you know, you've gotta, and it goes back to the first lesson that John said is you've gotta know the kid and you gotta know the person where they're at, what they're ready.
what's their temperament? What's their personality? What stage are they up to? And you've gotta, you know, make sure to align with that. Otherwise it can't go well. But if you do align, you can catch, you know, you can get traction in the most amazing ways. And, and the key is that first step, like putting the car in gear.
The most delicate thing is that first step, that first run, and having a good experience that first go. If it's a disaster, or if you feel like a failure, it's gonna be that much harder to get up the next. . Um, so John is a living, living lesson and a storybook, and I hope we'll have more, uh, chances to do this and other things.
If you wanna contact John, you can send us a message of Schneider's speech. I know that, um, if there's someone that feels like, uh, contact him if he has the bandwidth, I know he'd be happy to be. A resource for people. Thank you. For sure so much, John. This. This will be available for playback on the Facebook Live, on schneider speech.com.
We'll also post it to the blog and as I said earlier, you can check out some really new exciting stuff. Schneider speech.com. On the homepage there is regular existing traditional private therapy, but because we recognize different people are ready for different things, also can afford different things and are located in different places, we've got different things for different people.
And so the online course is an in. Opportunity to go through a journey, self-guided by yourself, kind of choose your own adventure, and then the other opportunities to take that to the next level with the group therapy, eight week process for teens and adults. All of that on the homepage. And you can see lots more about my father on the website and all of his wisdom and greatness, and we look forward to keeping these conversations going.
And thank you, John, for taking the time. Really appreciate it. Of course. Thank you, Ari. Have an amazing day. Wherever you are.